Sometimes I feel like I don’t know anything. As seasons change and hormones fluctuate, knowledge feels fleeting. Continually, others do not understand my emotions nor my thoughts. Heck…I don’t even understand my emotions and thoughts, so how could other people? My head feels like it spirals out of control, usually downward to thoughts of insecurity, fear, and numbness.
In the Bible we find a man discouraged, busily working to stay afloat in life. I can identify with that. The angel of the LORD found him and said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” That man was Gideon. He replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us?” He was referring to the devastation of his people by the Midianites for the past seven years.
Just like Gideon, have you ever wondered why your life was the way it was and where God was in the midst? There have been many times when I began to go down that road of thought and then stopped myself, feeling convicted to continue on that journey. Gratitude is not found at the end of that road of questioning- only a dead end sign.
Then the LORD said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”
Gideon did not feel strong enough to battle. He was discouraged, complaining, and making excuses to himself and God. However, despite his head spiraling out of control with thoughts of insecurity, fear, and numbness, the LORD called him “mighty warrior” and ordered him to “go in his strength and save Israel.”
Even though you don’t feel strong, you are. Even though you don’t feel able, you are. Even though you don’t feel passionate, you are because Christ lives in you.
As Christians, we don’t operate from the place of emotion but from the place of truth. The Bible states over and over again that because He dwells in us, we are strong and able to do what the Lord has called us to do (Isa. 40:29, Isa. 40:31, 2 Cor. 12:9-10, Psa. 46:1). Let Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 1:19-20 shout to your heart just how big and able your God is: “I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe in him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead…” If that power could raise Christ from the dead, surely it can lift you out of the pit of spiraling emotions.
Just as Gideon was discouraged so was David. Oh how I identify with David’s words in Psalm 42:11. Notice how he tells his soul to praise God even though he doesn’t feel strong, able or passionate: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
Recently I prayed that the words of the Bible would jump off the page at me, stick to my heart, and melt the numbness away. I have lifted my hands. I have clapped. I have sung even when I haven’t felt like it.
I have told my soul to sing.
And here I am writing this post, full of passion, devoid of numbness, thanking God for answered prayer and strength that remains despite emotions that lie.